Anyway! Today we'll cover some of your more basic RP troupes for those that engage in what has become affectionately known as ERP or European Ratchet Pulling... What? Well what's it stand for then? Erotic Role Play? That's a stupid name. No. No. I don't care. Fuck it. It's European Ratchet Pulling.
So why all the hush hush about it? Well mostly because people are afraid of being judged. Why anyone would care about the opinions of Internet trolls not with standing, being afraid of being judged on the Internet is sort of like sex with Ben Rothlesburger. You can cry and kick all you want but... well it's gonna happen.
But unlike meeting Mr. Rothlesburger in a seedy bar bathroom, Internet trolls are harmless! In fact, most people these days can spot a troll. For instance:
So first and foremost, don't fear the troll. Especially don't fear the troll that's bashing any sort of role play loudly because chances are, they engage in that sort of role play way more than the people they're bashing do! That brings us to our first troupe!
1: The Closet Humper
The Closet Humper will do their best to dispel any notion that they engage in such 'stupid and useless' waste of their time. They'll put down anyone that engages in such as perverts and losers and pretty much anything else under the sun and moon. However! At their first chance the Closet Humper will engage in acts of debauchery so foul and unheard of that the Marquis De Sade himself stands back in awe.
2: The Kinkster
Some folks use the Internet and Role Play as a way to safely play out any sort of fantasy they have rolling around in their heads that they might be afraid of expressing to real world friends or loved ones. This allows them a sort of anonymity and a cushion to safely hide behind while exploring their own inner workings. In this sense ERP can be a healthy and safe outlet for someone who quite rightly fears being tied to a pole while some stranger in leather spreads cheese dip on their unmentionables and a choir of all nude midgets sings the Oscar Meyer hot dog song.What do you mean that's 'rather specific'? Well I have a friend that's into some stuff and he... DON'T JUDGE ME!!
3: The Mesmian
Mesmians, a phrase fairly new for a phenomena as old as Role Play itself. Mesmians are men who play female, strictly lesbian, characters for the express and solitary purpose of engaging in lesbian sex. Now this isn't to say that all male played female characters are mesmians. No, no. This is a very specific subsect of role players that play female characters only to engage in lesbian sex. There is very little character development outside of the bedroom and none that doesn't deal with munching as many carpets as possible. These characters are often very volatile, man hating, and promiscuous. Which tends to insult actual lesbians that role play within games as they see their lifestyle being demeaned and stereotypes about them blasted out loud so everyone can see. Now don't get us wrong, there's very good female characters out there played by men. We're only speaking of the small minority out there. You know who you are.
4: Fake Gamer Gurl (AKA Girl on the Internet Syndrome)
We've all known at least one in our time on the net and engaged in Role Play. Some chick that thinks because she has boobs that all should bow down before her. Fake Gamer Gurls, or Fakers, tend to engage in ERP as a means of gaining control of some sort over a group. Often they seek out the leader of a guild or social circle, regardless of who or what their characters are, and attempt to engage them in romantic or erotic RP. This had led to several hilarious instances over the years. The 'Wookiee Shag Down' incident of '07 is just one of a few. A Faker can often be detected through their use of overly descriptive hyper sexual actions. Or! More often constant OOC chatter about being a chick, their boyfriend, drinking, partying, and the statement 'Oh my gawd! I'm SUCH a nerd!'
Finally we come to the holy grail of gaming in general when it comes for us dudes....
5: The actual Girl Gamer
What can we say about these diamonds in the rough. Because trust me fellas, if you're dealing with one of these, they're rough. They'll probably kick your ass in PVP or be way better at PVE than you are. Why? Because they don't give a fuck what YOU think they're going to get the best gear, the best rotation, and the best strat and work that shit like they'll work your character's happy time should you be lucky enough to find one that a) Role Plays and b)Gives you the time of day after your character slobbers all over them. The Gods themselves won't be able to save you from their wrath either if you fuck up and end up facing them across the field of competition. For your own sake, don't take it easy on them and whatever you do don't TELL them you're going to take it easy on them because when they eventually embarrass you they'll make sure you know they were taking it easy on YOU. This also applies to Role Play of all kinds. They're just good at it. Because they're chicks and for some reason imagination is just something they do better than dudes. For example, Fifty Shades of Grey? Yep. Written by a chick. Just chew on that for a while.
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