"Bounty Hunter, Awesome Guy, Celebrity Author, and part time Wookiee Gigalo, Kantherion Onerious has spent a lift time perfecting the craft of getting shot down by even the most desperate and lonely women the Galaxy has to offer. Guys, there's broke hookers on Nar Shaddaa that would rather starve than take this man's credits!"
"Painstakingly recorded, compiled and now published by 'Stupid Shuta' press. 'Kantherion's Guide on How NOT to Pick Up Women!" will soon be hitting markets. But you have a chance to buy this revolutionary teaching tool before it hits the stands!"
"Learn what not to say to......"
"Iridonian women!"
"Hey babe. Nice Horns. Wanna f*beep*?"
"Miralukan women!"
"So you're blind huh? Hot."
"Chiss women!"
"I got just the right icing for your blueberries."
"Miralian women!"
"Babe. You're green. And I got a craving for peppermint. .. Hey where you goin?"
"Pureblood women!"
"So how about you put that lighsaber away and we talk moisturizers. Cause DAMN girl you're ashy as hell." *choking sounds followed by a strained Kanth voice* "Is that a no?"
"Even Wookiee Women!"
"That's alright babe. I don't mind that natural look." *wookiee roar followed by girly squeals and crashing sounds*
"That's right gentlemen. It's time to learn from the master. Just do NONE of what this man does and you'll have the ladies' attention in no time! Act now and while supplies last you'll receive a free copy of the holo short 'Kantherion's Greatest Nyomi Fails!', co-starring Jedi Master Nyomi Adastra! Who can forget gems like these:"
"Hey. Nice rack." *sound of a lightsaber igniting*
"Look all I'm saying is just let me touch your butt. You wouldn't deny a man his dieing wish would you?
"You're not dieing."
"Aren't we all just dieing slowly?" *sound of an armored form hitting a wall*
"And of course that ageless classic...."
"Why are you still talking? Shouldn't be undressing in my quarters by now?" *brawling sound* "OW! Hey! Damnit! I told you I'm not into the rough stuff!!"
"And as if THAT wasn't enough if you call in the next ten minutes we'll send you a copy of Kantherion's greatest contribution in helping out our friends in the Jedi Order! K&M Industries presents..."
"That's right! Learn the secrets in how to keep your Padawan from 'falling INTO the darkside' (see what we did there?) with this handy new, easy to use Guide. Simply read this book and you'll never have another Padawan get seduced, literally, to the darkside! "
"We even present several strategies on how to achieve this goal in simple, easy to navigate chapters. Such as....."
Chapter 1: BDSM, though fun, is of the darkside! Once you begin, forever will it dominate your path!
Chapter 2: If it's red, don't take it to bed!
Chapter 3: Force Lightning isn't just for Foreplay.
As well as!
Chapter 4: Chastity belts and you!
"Those are only just a few of the amazing plans we have worked out to keep your Padawan from shaboinking their way to darkness, suffering, and pain! We've also included...."
"Learn from Marran Paladin Sir Sedryn's bevy of mistakes and horrible, debilitating, comical awkwardness around hot women in general! Add to that a pair of sith nibbling on his ears and you've got...."
Chapter 8: Sedryn's Guide to Nailing Sith Broads!
"Then witness the aftermath of Sedryn's misadventures in....."
Chapter 9: Nyomi Adastra's How To Properly Bitchsmack your Padawan!
"We've also managed to get a special interview from an anonymous Darth who's made a career out of seducing Padawans. Learn her secrets and how to prepare for them in...."
Chapter 12: A Darth's Guide to Clam Slamming Padawans to the darkside.
As always K&M Inc. will donate a portion of the proceeds of all book sales to....
"Providing quality shelter and personal attention for all of our many single moms!"
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